The audience of my narrative is anyone who feels like they can’t escape a situation that they feel like they’re stuck in.  I tailored my language and rhetorical choices to appeal to this audience because I know this is the type of essay I would have wanted to read when I was starting out my journey to becoming who I am today.  Sometimes I go back when I’m starting a new path and re- read what I’ve been through just to give me courage to make a jump again.

Some meaningful insights I’ve gained in this phase through writing this narrative is  I write to teach, to spread a message, to take what I’ve learned the hard way and break it down so that the audience can take from it. I was trying to build on a moment that I’ve experienced in my life and build on it, like steps on a ladder climbing to where I want to be in life. 

This phase assignment helped me to develop strategies for reading, drafting, collaborating, revising, and editing my classmates’ essays because it allowed me to give them feedback based on what I thought would have improved their essay. I also think that me drafting my essay a few times before perfecting it was extremely important because I was able to look at it a bunch of time with fresh eyes and find mistakes I didn’t notice the first time. More importantly I loved the feedback my peers gave me about my narrative, I think it was super helpful and it was great insight on what I needed to fix, elaborate or improve on.

Cheyanne Deopersaud

 Molly Mosher ENGL 110

 4 September 2020 

Final Draft WLLN

  Imagine you are locked in a cage, the exits are blocked, you are being poked, prodded, and abused like an animal in a zoo. You long to see the sky, but you can’t: there are no stars, no rainbows. You believe they are there but you don’t know how to reach them. A storm is brewing, it roars outside getting closer, pressuring is building in the air, but there’s nowhere to go. There is only panic, pain, and confusion. This is what it felt like to live with my father and stepmother before I came into care. I was something to be humiliated and abused, not a being who deserved love and respect. 

I look back to my childhood and remember my dad being my hero. I loved him with everything in me. Although it may not have been perfect, it was perfect for me because he was my father and the only parent I had. I was daddy’s little girl. However, as time went on he brushed me off as my new stepmother’s problem. Eventually, she did the same. She wasn’t shy to let people know I wasn’t her biological child and bombarded me with insults daily. Some of the insults my stepmother would say were, “She’s going to grow up into an idiot, it’s a good thing her mother is dead, she’s going to be a wretch just like her mother,” It was humiliating, soul crushing and mentally exhausting. I felt like there was nowhere I belonged, and I had nowhere to hide. 

Eventually, she had her own children, that’s when the thunderstorm began. I felt a feeling of hopelessness that I couldn’t understand. I realized it was the pain of not having a mother. She held their hands and played with them. It made me wonder what other “mother” like things did she do with them? Maybe she tucked them in at night or sang songs to them? That was the moment I faced the truth, I had no mother and I never would. Nobody would ever claim me as their own and I would never experience maternal love. 

She was brutal and manipulative, if I was late, she would tell my dad I was with a boy, he would get furious and abuse me till I bled. On those nights, I’d lie in bed, the blood dripping on my pillow, and wonder, “Why does she hate me?” I constantly felt like I was drowning. I remember at the age of 12, I would count down the years, months, weeks and hours until the day I turned 18 to move out of that miserable house. At this time I realized I had nobody and began to take my future into my own hands. Balancing my school and responsibilities at home was challenging, but manageable; I knew I could achieve the life I wanted for myself if I remained focused on the type of future I envisioned. 

As I was coming home from a Model United Nations Conference, my father argued with me about curfew. He went into an outburst asking me why I was home late. I couldn’t defend myself from him and he decided the right thing to do was beat me until the hanger broke on my skin and he didn’t stop until I was bleeding. He pulled my hair and threw me down the stairs while my stepmother watched, smugly. 

The next day, my father told me to hide my bruises from everyone at school. Even though I was scared, I decided enough was enough. I didn’t deserve to put on a pretty face, while I was being taken advantage of. I didn’t deserve to be treated like garbage. This was the day I decided to take action and reach for what I deserve. I needed to strive for the better life that I wanted. 

The first time I experienced pain was when my mother died and I was just three years old. The second time I experienced pain was when dealing with the prolonged abuse from my father and stepmother, being beaten daily made me want to make a change and embark on a new journey, I thought this was going to be the turning point in my life, but it led to a third pain. This I would call a growing pain, where I had to start a new life, alone. I didn’t know there was a rainbow after the storm, but I always imagined what it would be like if I just had the guts to take the jump and look into the unknown. 

Once I entered care, I realized I had escaped the cage my father’s abuse had created and was free to envision a life where I had value and believed in my own value. He still calls me often just to taunt me, however, nothing he says matters anymore. I listen, knowing that he can no longer touch me or cause me any harm. I am free and I have the control now. His ramblings are that of a sick old man, a reflection of his discontent with his life with my stepmother rather than a reflection of anything I ever did. They chose to take out their pain on a helpless child. Although I’m in foster care, I am valued, and that is what I deserved. 

I’m glad I had the courage to take the steps to morph into the woman that I would have needed when I was younger. Knowing that I deserved respect led me to doors I never knew existed. Now I am a part of the Youth Advocacy Board, advocating for the 8,000 foster children in New York State. This opportunity became a passion because I don’t want other youth to have the same experience as I did as a child. I see myself as someone who the younger youth can look up to and know that they aren’t alone. We’ve all been through a storm, it all depends on what you make of it, and if you know what you deserve as a person. Being a voice empowers me, knowing that there’s someone out there I can stick up for just as I would have wanted someone to stick up for me when I was in need. 

I believe that every person should be treated equally, with value and respect. I am proud of my experiences as a youth in foster care. I want to change the world, just as my life was changed. Now I hope to inspire and help others, and I will make those aspirations a reality. I am so thankful for where I am and where I’m headed because I can finally see the rainbow. I am my own salvation. The cloudy skies are non-existent in this day and time. The future’s bright and close; it’s going to be amazing