Cheyanne Deopersaud 

English

Professor Molly Mosher

             First year English Self Reflection 

The  most  meaningful assignment of the semester was the research essay that we completed in phase 3 because we had more control over how we worded, had our essay flow and the most importantly because we got to choose a topic that we were passionate about and we got to write to our hearts content.  In this essay, I wrote in a very informal but at the same time informative way.  I felt that I painted a picture of what women had to go through through other women’s personal experience. You can almost feel each woman’s story as if they were your sister going through this during her lifetime. I feel like this way I wrote was a very good way to tell about this topic because it flows in a way that is easy to understand as if you were being told a story of struggle. During this phase I felt like it was great I was happy that we got the freedom to write about what we wanted to and I feel like I made a pretty good case for abortion. I feel that this was a meaningful phase for me because I am proud of what I’ve written and the way I expressed my opinion.  

 Some concepts that have impacted my learning were going off of articles, usually we read off of a story, like Amy tan’s experience.  I felt like that prepared me for this assignment because I had to explain what the author meant in these stories and develop their ideas that I took into my own ideas and then tie it into my essay. I feel like it impacted my learning because I’ve never had to do that before in this type of context.  I’ve really never had to write a research paper, so I had to make a plan first, get my sources and find a way to tie them all together. 

In this phase I felt like I had the chance to explore and analyze, in writing and reading, a variety of genres and rhetorical situations. In this essay I got to read a lot of people’s personal experiences as well as essays, and short stories and it gave me a lot of insight about my topic and I had to analyze all of these types of texts and tie them together to paint a story that I wanted to tell, it was challenging considering that these are stories that painted other peoples stories. 

We analyzed deeply many ways standards for language and the emphasis towards language oppresses many people across many different media. It could be safwat or cyberbullying due to his accent or Tan mother discrimination. We saw many points of view, effects and causes of language barriers. For Example we saw that the cause of other people bullying Safwat was when his accent came out, so he tried his hardest not to speak because the other kids would bully him over the internet, but his passion was to make videos that made people smile. We also saw Amy Tan’s mother being discriminated against because she couldn’t speak what was known as “Perfect English.”

I think that I developed the reading, drafting, collaborating, and editing strategies well because I got more comfortable asking my peers for help, and when they read my essay and I got more comfortable reading their essays and giving them feedback.  I felt like I recognized and practiced key rhetorical terms and strategies when I engaged in writing situations when I was reading Amy Tan.  She used a lot of Pathos, Logos, and Ethos in her writing when she explained her narrative.

I felt like I engaged in the collaborative and social aspects of the writing process, but I could have done it more.  I felt like this was a lack because we didn’t get to be in person because of Covid. We did have group work time but most of us didn’t speak that much in group work, because of technical problems or just because my peers didn’t want to speak which made it hard to collaborate effectively.   In the last research essay I googled and used a lot of academic journals as well as articles, and magazines to have my essay be well put together. I had to tie the reading all together to effectively tell a story so I felt like I did a good job completing that learning objective. 

I know that we still have some time left to learn, grow, and write so I feel like I can work on synthesis a little more when it come to comparing people’s stories off of the internet but when I was comparing the two stories about language from Amy Tan and Gloria Alverez I felt like I synthesized both texts well. Lastly, when we are quoting out sources we had to provide citations of our sources because they need to be credited for their work which we did in every single one of our assignments. 

Cheyanne Deopersaud 

October 14, 2020

English 

Profs. Mosher 

In Amy Tan’s essay “Mother Tongue” she speaks about the English that she grew up with, and how this affected her own english and how she perceived the world.  Amy visits past experiences where she shows her mother speaking “broken english” and explains how others judged her mother’s intelligence simply on the way she spoke English. Throughout the narrative Tan uses Ethos, Pathos, and Logos brilliantly.  She also uses juxtaposition, imagery, and repetition to tie the narrative together and get her point across.

Ethos by definition is credibility, and ethical appeal or in other words how trustworthy the author is / makes the reader feel.  Amy Tan starts off “Mother Tongue” by realizing that she speaks differently when she is alone with her mother or husband rather than when she is speaking to strangers. She explains that she speaks many different versions of English, by saying this she means that she speaks a certain way when she speaks to professionals and she speaks a different way when she is talking to her mother – a way that is often classified as “broken.” 

Amy often shows that she thinks that she is the bridge between the two worlds of language that she knows – The one where her mother speaks a little bit differently than most Americans do but she can get her point across to her daughter who is clearly an English major.  Amy Tan uses Ethos to present the idea that social expectations should not influence how people see or think about things, her mother was judged and disrespected because of the way she spoke. 

Tan uses Ethos and we trust her because she is an Asian woman, who lived through all of these experiences that she has written about and we have almost lived through with her. She does this by using a conversation to make the reader feel as if she was talking to them personally. She often uses I in the narrative and gives a vivid picture of who the narrative is about.  On other occasions in the text she makes the text feel personal for example when she says “ “So you’ll have some idea of what this family talk I heard sounds like (Tan 763).” This gives the reader a feeling that Amy Tan is trustworthy because of the way she builds on certain factors in the narrative. 

Logos is the persuasion of reasoning that usually have to do with facts and data.  Amy Tan uses the rhetorical strategy logos to help the reader understand the certain languages that are used in everyday situations like speaking to a stockbroker is important and powerful.  Speaking is powerful – it’s the way that people get their point across, how they communicate, and even sometimes the way a person speaks is a measurement of how “intelligent”  they are.

To show this Amy Tan uses Logos to describe the difference between her mother’s English and the English of others.  She slabortates on the fact that her mother’s English was different and seen as incorrect or watered down, not as great as others who spoke it fluently and therefore she was treated differently. 

She describes a time when she saw her mother’s english as “broken” and was often ashamed of it.  She states that she winces everytimes called her mother’s English broken because she knew deep down that calling it broken wasn’t the right way to describe her mother’s English.  Amy states “ Like others, I have described it to people as ‘broken” or “fractured” English. But I wince when I say that. It has always bothered me that I can think of no way to describe it other than “broken,” as if it were damaged and needed to be fixed, as if it lacked a certain wholeness and soundness.” 

Amy is trying to say that from her perspective her mother’s native tongue isn’t broken, she sees it as a beautiful dialect, vivid even. She is trying to convey the idea that the way her mother speaks is not the wrong way of English, other people are just not familiar with this which is why they think it is incorrect but Amy thinks that it is just fine. Her words may be imperfect but her thoughts are nothing less than perfect. 

Finally, Tan uses Pathos to appeal to the readers emotions.  Amy uses pathos when she elaborates on the fact that the doctors did not give her her cat scan because she spoke in broken english rather than perfectly. This played on the readers emotions because it showed how harsh the world really can be and the reality of immigrants.  The hospital did not seem to have any sort of sympathy for Amy’s mother when she was anxious to know her diagnosis and was given little attention because of her broken english. 

Amy does a very good job at playing on the readers emotions, and having the reader feel for her mother and her english.  When at a very young age Amy had to call the stock broker and pretend to be her mother just to get the right treatment sent a very clear message that the mother knew her disadvantage and she knew that there was very little she could do about this. She states “My mother has long realized the limitations of her English as well. When I was fifteen, she used to have me call people on the phone to pretend I was she.” (Tan, p. 2) This shows that Amy knew her more – what would be described as refined English – would get the job done. 

Reading and analyzing Amy Tan’s “Mother Tongue” helps the reader get a better understanding of Ethos, Pathos and Logos but it also shows the reader an insider perspective of an immigrant’s perspective on language and language barriers. 

The audience of my narrative is anyone who feels like they can’t escape a situation that they feel like they’re stuck in.  I tailored my language and rhetorical choices to appeal to this audience because I know this is the type of essay I would have wanted to read when I was starting out my journey to becoming who I am today.  Sometimes I go back when I’m starting a new path and re- read what I’ve been through just to give me courage to make a jump again.

Some meaningful insights I’ve gained in this phase through writing this narrative is  I write to teach, to spread a message, to take what I’ve learned the hard way and break it down so that the audience can take from it. I was trying to build on a moment that I’ve experienced in my life and build on it, like steps on a ladder climbing to where I want to be in life. 

This phase assignment helped me to develop strategies for reading, drafting, collaborating, revising, and editing my classmates’ essays because it allowed me to give them feedback based on what I thought would have improved their essay. I also think that me drafting my essay a few times before perfecting it was extremely important because I was able to look at it a bunch of time with fresh eyes and find mistakes I didn’t notice the first time. More importantly I loved the feedback my peers gave me about my narrative, I think it was super helpful and it was great insight on what I needed to fix, elaborate or improve on.

Cheyanne Deopersaud

 Molly Mosher ENGL 110

 4 September 2020 

Final Draft WLLN

  Imagine you are locked in a cage, the exits are blocked, you are being poked, prodded, and abused like an animal in a zoo. You long to see the sky, but you can’t: there are no stars, no rainbows. You believe they are there but you don’t know how to reach them. A storm is brewing, it roars outside getting closer, pressuring is building in the air, but there’s nowhere to go. There is only panic, pain, and confusion. This is what it felt like to live with my father and stepmother before I came into care. I was something to be humiliated and abused, not a being who deserved love and respect. 

I look back to my childhood and remember my dad being my hero. I loved him with everything in me. Although it may not have been perfect, it was perfect for me because he was my father and the only parent I had. I was daddy’s little girl. However, as time went on he brushed me off as my new stepmother’s problem. Eventually, she did the same. She wasn’t shy to let people know I wasn’t her biological child and bombarded me with insults daily. Some of the insults my stepmother would say were, “She’s going to grow up into an idiot, it’s a good thing her mother is dead, she’s going to be a wretch just like her mother,” It was humiliating, soul crushing and mentally exhausting. I felt like there was nowhere I belonged, and I had nowhere to hide. 

Eventually, she had her own children, that’s when the thunderstorm began. I felt a feeling of hopelessness that I couldn’t understand. I realized it was the pain of not having a mother. She held their hands and played with them. It made me wonder what other “mother” like things did she do with them? Maybe she tucked them in at night or sang songs to them? That was the moment I faced the truth, I had no mother and I never would. Nobody would ever claim me as their own and I would never experience maternal love. 

She was brutal and manipulative, if I was late, she would tell my dad I was with a boy, he would get furious and abuse me till I bled. On those nights, I’d lie in bed, the blood dripping on my pillow, and wonder, “Why does she hate me?” I constantly felt like I was drowning. I remember at the age of 12, I would count down the years, months, weeks and hours until the day I turned 18 to move out of that miserable house. At this time I realized I had nobody and began to take my future into my own hands. Balancing my school and responsibilities at home was challenging, but manageable; I knew I could achieve the life I wanted for myself if I remained focused on the type of future I envisioned. 

As I was coming home from a Model United Nations Conference, my father argued with me about curfew. He went into an outburst asking me why I was home late. I couldn’t defend myself from him and he decided the right thing to do was beat me until the hanger broke on my skin and he didn’t stop until I was bleeding. He pulled my hair and threw me down the stairs while my stepmother watched, smugly. 

The next day, my father told me to hide my bruises from everyone at school. Even though I was scared, I decided enough was enough. I didn’t deserve to put on a pretty face, while I was being taken advantage of. I didn’t deserve to be treated like garbage. This was the day I decided to take action and reach for what I deserve. I needed to strive for the better life that I wanted. 

The first time I experienced pain was when my mother died and I was just three years old. The second time I experienced pain was when dealing with the prolonged abuse from my father and stepmother, being beaten daily made me want to make a change and embark on a new journey, I thought this was going to be the turning point in my life, but it led to a third pain. This I would call a growing pain, where I had to start a new life, alone. I didn’t know there was a rainbow after the storm, but I always imagined what it would be like if I just had the guts to take the jump and look into the unknown. 

Once I entered care, I realized I had escaped the cage my father’s abuse had created and was free to envision a life where I had value and believed in my own value. He still calls me often just to taunt me, however, nothing he says matters anymore. I listen, knowing that he can no longer touch me or cause me any harm. I am free and I have the control now. His ramblings are that of a sick old man, a reflection of his discontent with his life with my stepmother rather than a reflection of anything I ever did. They chose to take out their pain on a helpless child. Although I’m in foster care, I am valued, and that is what I deserved. 

I’m glad I had the courage to take the steps to morph into the woman that I would have needed when I was younger. Knowing that I deserved respect led me to doors I never knew existed. Now I am a part of the Youth Advocacy Board, advocating for the 8,000 foster children in New York State. This opportunity became a passion because I don’t want other youth to have the same experience as I did as a child. I see myself as someone who the younger youth can look up to and know that they aren’t alone. We’ve all been through a storm, it all depends on what you make of it, and if you know what you deserve as a person. Being a voice empowers me, knowing that there’s someone out there I can stick up for just as I would have wanted someone to stick up for me when I was in need. 

I believe that every person should be treated equally, with value and respect. I am proud of my experiences as a youth in foster care. I want to change the world, just as my life was changed. Now I hope to inspire and help others, and I will make those aspirations a reality. I am so thankful for where I am and where I’m headed because I can finally see the rainbow. I am my own salvation. The cloudy skies are non-existent in this day and time. The future’s bright and close; it’s going to be amazing

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